The Globe and Mail, Report on Business
Published December 22, 2007

I put my neck on the line last year with some bold and provocative predictions for 2007. Rather than make economic or market calls, however, I focused on more important stuff, for which my record was mixed.

I was right about Steve Nash (in the running for a 3rd MVP) and Sidney Crosby (overexposed). I correctly predicted fatherhood for Tiger Woods, but badly overestimated its effect (no wins after February? Wrong seven times).

I predicted the Blackberry would continue to dominate, while some "down and outs" would look better by the end of the year, namely Dell, Loblaws, Microsoft, BCE, WestJet and Bank of Montreal (five out of seven isn’t bad). Of the companies I thought couldn’t keep up appearances, only Toyota (quality issues, slower sales momentum) and Teck Cominco (cyclical reality) took a step backwards.

But enough wallowing in the past. Let’s look forward to what next year will look like. 2008 will be an interesting and fulfilling year for business executives.

For instance, Bill Holland, Canada’s most photogenic CEO, will finally find a cure for his bank envy. He’ll merge CI Financial with CIBC, replace the risk management department and do 75 mutual fund mergers.

Despite a declining list of investible stocks in Canada and Mr. Holland’s fund mergers, the number of mutual funds will continue to grow. When introducing a new product, an investment executive will be quoted as saying, “We didn’t feel our existing 87 funds met the needs of our clients.”

Also in the investment industry, principal protection will decline in popularity in 2008 when new disclosure requirements reveal that principal protected notes (PPNs) are more profitable for the sponsor than the client. Before the regulations take effect, however, an innovative investment banker will develop a principal protected guaranteed investment certificate - just to be sure.

In the consumer area, Finance Minister Jim Flaherty will continue to jeopardize the integrity of his office by meddling in the private sector. Despite being ignored by Canadian retailers and blown off by the banks over ATM fees, he will wade into the controversy over waiting times at Tim Hortons.

To stimulate sluggish beer sales in 2008, Molson Coors will follow up its university ‘Party School’ contest by sponsoring wet T-shirt contests at high school dances. A company officer will defend the campaign by saying that it engenders “school spirit and sociability.”

Lululemon will come out with a clothing line featuring a fabric made out of lawn clippings. It won’t promise any health benefit, but will make you feel like you’re outdoors while you’re working out at the gym.

In entertainment, the movie studios will take copy catting to a new level. After Cate Blanchett’s success playing Bob Dylan in I’m Not There, we’ll see on the theatre screens Robert Downey Jr. playing Courtney Love in I Am So There and Will Smith playing Whitney Houston in Am I There?

In 2008, advertisers will finally realize that nobody is watching live television anymore. Viewers have discovered that by using their personal video recorder (PVR) to skip the commercials, timeouts and the halftime show, they can watch an NFL game in an hour. CSI in 45 minutes isn’t bad either.

Adults on Facebook will start unsubscribing in record numbers when they realize they don’t want to know that much about their children’s social life and discover there’s a reason they haven’t kept in touch with their high school classmates. An adult alternative to Facebook called botalks.com will be launched.

In sports, the NHL will announce a 102 game schedule for 2008-09 so that Sidney Crosby can play a game in every city. The league decided to add 20 games and finish the season in August rather than juggle the existing schedule. It didn’t want to weaken divisional rivalries like Columbus versus Nashville by having them play each other any less than 8 times a year.

When the NFL’s Buffalo Bills play a regular season game at Rogers Centre next season, Toronto football fans will finally realize the CFL has a better product - lower ticket prices, fewer commercial breaks, more scoring and Pinball Clemons.

At the end of 2008, the Globe and Mail will publish lists of the best and worst values of the year. Among the bests will be Craigslist (cheap), websites that keep track of your office hockey pool (free), podcasts (free), universal health care (sort of free), and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition online (all the time).

For the second year running PPNs will head the bad value list, followed closely by Ticketmaster, replacement razor blades, ink cartridges and wireless data charges.

And finally, the predictions I’m most confident of for 2008 – Canada will continue to be one of the greatest places in the world to live, nothing is more important than family and friends, and Steve Nash will win a third MVP.