The Globe and Mail, Report on Business
Published December 29, 2006

I'm not one to make predictions on what the capital markets are going to do in the next year, or three years for that matter. But with my editors distracted by the holiday season, I'm quite happy to pontificate on lots of other things.

In 2007, sports fans will finally realize that Steve Nash is the greatest Canadian sports story of the last 20 years. Not only will he again be in the running for MVP of the National Basketball Association (will they let him win three in a row?), but he will continue to change the professional game with his ability to push the pace, involve all his teammates and dribble where no one since Bob Cousy has dared. And at the end of the year, he will still be a good guy.

After Sidney Crosby has done commercials for every major consumer product sold in Canada, the media will ironically be talking about his overexposure. Ah, to be talented and good looking.

Speaking of talented and good looking, Tiger Woods will be so excited about Elin having their first child that he'll lose his putting stroke and won't win a tournament after February. What was it that Johnny Carson said to Arnold Palmer about his putter?

In 2007, someone will publish an academic paper showing that the baby boomers are stunting our cultural growth. To support its thesis, the study will point to the proliferation of mind-numbing Classic or Soft Rock radio stations and the fact that the Rolling Stones are still playing to full stadiums even though they haven't produced a memorable album in 20 years. Notably the next segment of the Stones A Big Bang Tour will be sponsored by DentuCream.

In 2007, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries will send representatives to Canada to learn how to run the world's oil oligopoly better. They won't go to Alberta, however. Instead they will do extensive interviews with the five major banks, and ask questions like: How is it that a mature market with five competitors has consistently produced returns of 18-20% a year? Do your customers know your returns on the retail business are over 30%? Why is it you want to merge again?

The labour shortage in parts of Canada will start to have a material impact on how businesses are run. Intrawest will begin experimenting with unmanned chairlifts at Whistler and Loblaw will test stores where shoppers are on the honour system. A few buyers of Subway and Tims franchises will ask for their money back when they realize they can't find any staff.

As people learn how to program their wide-screen TVs properly, they'll discover that Peter Mansbridge and Ron McLean didn't actually gain 25 pounds. They were just watching regular programming on the wide-screen setting.

In 2007, the concept of "brand extension" will finally hit the wall. CSI Moose Jaw will be pulled after just eight weeks on the air. Likewise, a brand manager will lose his job when Kraft Dinner with Bowtie pasta and gorgonzola cheese fails to take off.

Starbucks addicts will come to realize that their two fancy coffees a day are the equivalent of two Strawberry milkshakes from DQ and an extra hour's work.

For the 2007 Christmas season, you will be able to get a cellphone with television, surround sound and GPS. Oh yeah, they already have all that now.

Air Canada will continue its transition to becoming a pure holding company by doing initial public offerings on its EnRoute magazine and the revenue stream it receives from pillows, blankets, headsets and extra luggage.

In 2007, the trend will continue whereby the chief executive of every major car company will state that the key to higher market share and profit is to come out with more new models.

Similarly, Motorola, Nokia and Palm will all come out with products that are supposed to be better than a BlackBerry, but the great Canadian technology icon will continue to grow in prominence. In a related matter, Research in Motion will reduce its advertising budget in 2007 because of the free publicity it's getting from government groups who keep banning the use of BlackBerrys during meetings.

In 2007, it will become evident that Dell, Microsoft, BCE, Loblaw, WestJet and Bank of Montreal aren't nearly as bad as they appeared to be in 2006. Likewise, Hewlett Packard, Toyota, Canadian National Railway, Teck Cominco and Manulife won't look quite as good.

When the Globe publishes its "Top 10 Good Values" list next December, it will include Google, CBC radio, the CFL, junior hockey, digital photography and plain vanilla exchange-traded funds.

The "Top 10 Bad Values" will include Aeroplan points, tickets to a regular season NHL game and principal-protected notes linked to a balanced fund.

And finally, 2007 will see another misguided financial services executive start a new mutual fund company.